


Love, Simone (Bemily Love, Simon au)

by emilyxjunk (xbestmistakex)



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: F/F, bemily
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-06-13
Packaged: 2019-04-26 11:56:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14401650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xbestmistakex/pseuds/emilyxjunk
Summary: This is an au based off of Love, Simon with Bemily being the pairing. THIS IS VERY AU. This is set in high school and mainly told in Beca's perspective. The story will be based on both the books and the movie.





	1. Finding Bella

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please bare in mind this is an au based off of Love, Simon and Simon vs the Homo Sapien's Agenda with Pitch Perfect characters. There will be some things that I have changed completely to make work for my story, so please remember this is not supposed to be canon. Also some of the pairings may seem odd, but there's a reason behind my madness for future chapters so just trust me.

Beca had just gotten home from play rehearsal, tossing her bag on her bed with a groan. She was in charge of sound for the play and her drama teacher was putting on the pressure to make this the best performance Barden High School had ever seen. After practice today though Beca was pretty sure that there was no amount of magic that could make this show even half way decent. It had been a long day and she was ready to shower and just collapse on her bed until her first alarm of the morning began to blare to wake her up. Before she was able to move though her phone went off, causing her to search through her bag until she wrapped her fingers around her iPhone.

She glanced down, not surprised in the slightest by the person trying to FaceTime as she clicked the answer button. "Sup Chlo," Beca said as the red head came into view. Beca flopped onto her bed so she was laying down gazing up at her friend's face. "Have you seen the new post," Chloe asked causing an instant groan and eye roll from Beca. Chloe was obsessed with this Tumblr blog called "BardenSecrets" that exposed all these secrets from their high school. Earlier that day, Chloe had shared with Beca, Stacie, and Jesse how the real reason the pool got drained was because one of the freshman had given a senior a 'happy ending' in the pool.

"No what? I am never getting back in that pool again, I don't care how much they clean it," Beca said shuddering at the thought. Chloe interrupted her thoughts when she quickly shook her head. "No about the closeted gay kid at our school," Chloe asked causing Beca to instantly sit up. "What," Beca said as she felt her hands begin to get sweaty as she swallowed hard moving over to her laptop. Did someone know? There was no way. She had been so careful. "Yeah it's on BardenSecrets," Chloe explained as if Beca hadn't already figured this much out. 

As the post came up on her screen, Beca's heart began to race not even realizing that Chloe was still talking. "Shit Chlo, my dad's calling for me. I'll call you back okay," Beca said not giving Chloe a chance to respond as she quickly hit the end button. Beca sat back in her computer chair, her hands moving over her face to try and calm herself. It wasn't about her, she let that relief wash over her before she leaned forward and read the post.

 **_Sometimes I feel like I'm stuck on a ferris wheel. One minute I'm on top of the world, the next I'm at rock bottom. Over and over all day long because a lot of my life is great, but no one knows I'm gay. -Bella_**  

Beca reread the words over and over again. Never had she heard something before that she had related to so much. As self centered as it may seem, Beca had always assumed no one else got it. The only one out in her school was Cynthia Rose and Beca envied the girl for being able to be so open about it, even though she endured constant criticism from the assholes at their school. While reading the post for the fifth time, Beca's gaze landed on the fact that there was an email for Bella at the top of the post. Beca wasn't sure what she was doing, but soon she was clicking on gmail and making a new account. She glanced around the room, trying to think of something that wouldn't automatically give her away. Anything to do with music was out, for sure. The wind blew and the branches scraped across her window, causing Beca to type without much else thought **frommywindow1** into the username. Once the email had been created, Beca let out an exhale before beginning to type, the words spilling out a lot easier than she thought.

**_Dear Bella,_ **

**_I'm just like you. For the most part my life is totally normal. My home life is like most, parents are still together, but for as much as my dad's around they may as well make it official and get a divorce. Then there's my friends, two of them I have known since pretty much the beginning of time. Or at least kindergarten. One of them I just met a few months ago, but it feels like I've known her forever. We do everything friends do. We drink way too much iced coffee, watch bad 90s movies, and hang out at Waffle House dreaming of college and binging on carbs. So like I said, I'm just like you. I have a totally perfectly normal life. Except I have one huge ass secret._ **

**_Simone._ **  

Beca sat back against the chair, her hands folded behind her head gazing at the laptop. The screen seemed so bright, maybe because this was the closest she had ever come to coming out to anyone. As close as Chloe and her had been her whole life, Beca had never even come close to telling her best friend the truth. And yet here she was basically insinuating it to a complete stranger, but maybe that's why she wasn't as nervous. Bella had no idea who she was and so she could just put it all out there. It wasn't like Simone could be traced back to her or anything. It was the name of her favorite DJ from overseas that absolutely no one from their school would even know existed. Before she could think about it anymore, Beca clicked the send button and closed her laptop.

A small smile spread across her lips, as she let out a sigh. It was weird, Beca always felt like there was a weight on her shoulders everyday of her life. And yet when she had clicked send it was like some of that weight had been lifted. It was as if sharing some of her secret had lifted some of that burden off of her, without having to deal with the repercussions of coming out. She made her way into the shower, realizing that even though she wasn't anxious about what she had sent, there was a nervous energy waiting to see if she would get a reply.

* * *

 

Beca had slept horribly, waking up multiple times to see if she had received a new email from Bella. And each time she was mad at herself for how disappointed she felt, Beca didn't even know this girl. There was a huge chance that she wasn't even going to write back. So when Beca's first alarm went off, she hit her phone's snooze button with a tired whimper. She needed more sleep, but as soon as she remembered why she had gotten no sleep she was grabbing her phone and checking for notifications. She tossed the phone onto her bed with a sigh once she realized there was nothing. 

She silenced the next alarm and rolled out of bed, padding her way into the bathroom. Beca got dressed willing herself not to look at her phone, but caving every few minutes to click the screen. That was how most of her day went, Beca being too distracted to pay attention to anything really. When her math teacher had called on her, Beca stared at him for a few beats before finally mumbling, "I have no idea what you just asked me" which led to a mini lecture after class on the importance of paying attention. Even at lunch, Beca couldn't even be distracted by the obvious love triangle that was going on between Jesse, Stacie, and Chloe. Beca was pretty sure that Chloe had been in love with Jesse since they were younger, but ever since Stacie had transferred to their school Jesse seemed to be completely infatuated. Today though Beca had no energy to focus on that. "Why does this school have no fucking service," she grumbled leaving a surprised Chloe behind at the lunch table, the red head sharing a confused look between the other two as they watched Beca storm off. 

Beca was in the hallway, holding her phone up oblivious to her surroundings as she tried to get some sort of service. The next thing she knew, Beca's phone was being snatched out of her hand by her principal. She let out a frustrated groan, as she tried to reach for the phone to no avail. "Ms. Mitchell you can come collect your phone at the end of the day," Principal Worth said walking away not even giving Beca a chance to speak. Beca combed her fingers through her hair gripping it at the top as she stifled a scream storming back into the cafeteria.

The rest of the day moved painstakingly slow and it didn't help that she had play practice right after school. Beca was pretty sure if she asked Stacie one more time what time it was the taller girl was going to smack her. The moment practice was over Beca made a beeline to the principal's office, making her way in slightly out of breath. The principal gave her another mini lecture on the importance of unplugging which Beca responded with appropriate, "Absolutely. Completely understand. Yeah today was so freeing without my phone" before her iPhone was being placed in her hand again. Beca ran all the way to the car and quickly turned it on and once rebooted there was a ding signaling a notification. Beca's heart began to race as she saw she had an email from Bella. Beca's hand was shaking as she opened the email, holding her breath even though she didn't realize it as she read Bella's response.

_**A secret huh? Is it the same as my secret? If it is, when did you know? And have you told anyone?** _

_**-Bella** _

Beca didn't even pause before she was hitting reply, her fingers flying over the keys as once again the words seemed to flow through her.

_**No, Bella. I haven't told anyone. And honestly I can't even really explain why. Deep down I know my family would be fine with it. My mom is about as liberal as they come. My dad, well he's not really around enough to really care. I mean Barden's resident out lesbian seems to be doing just fine. When Cynthia came out, no one even seemed to care. As for how I knew I was gay, I guess it was a bunch of little things... Like this one recurring dream that I kept having about Emma Watson. Then preceded to have every night for a month until I had to take down the Harry Potter poster from my bedroom wall. I was obsessed with Pink and Gwen Stefani...then I realized it really wasn't about their music. Then there was my first boyfriend, he was actually one of my best friends and we did this awkward let's try it without telling anyone thing. He kissed me and I pretty much ran from his house all the way home. It wasn't my proudest moment and thankfully we've never talked about it again. How about you? How did you know?** _

_**-Simone** _  

Beca smiled sending the email off, feeling like she could finally relax for the first time all day. Beca put on her seatbelt, turned the radio all the way up as she drove home. Beca had always been a private person, the type to keep everything in and learn how to deal on her own. The only person who sort of knew her was Chloe and that was because the red head was too stubborn to let Beca just put a wall up or push her away. The few times she had opened up to her best friend, it had been such an anxiety ridden experience. Being that vulnerable and letting someone in was not something that ever came easy to her. And yet, she was sharing things with a complete stranger and she felt with every email she seemed more at ease. Beca pulled into her driveway, when her phone went off again. She quickly scrambled for it, her smile widening as she saw it was another email from Bella. 

**_Simone, don't worry about your dreams about Emma Watson, your secret is safe with me. For me, I realized I liked girls by watching Pretty Little Liars. All my friends were obsessed with Caleb and Toby swooning the moment either of them took off their shirts. For me, I couldn't keep my eyes off of Ali and Emily together. I'm pretty sure I watched every scene they were in together multiple times. I know that's probably so stupid right?_ **

She let out a small "aww" that was uncharacteristic for her, phone still in hand as she reread the words. Beca couldn't explain it, but the little confession over falling for the girls from Pretty Little Liars was actually adorable. It was so...pure. As she was about to respond her phone began to go off again. Beca's gaze fell on the name and she muttered to herself as she looked at the text that said,  _Where are you???_   With all her thoughts so focused on Bella, Beca had completely forgotten she was supposed to be studying at Chloe's with her three friends. Beca sent a quick text saying she was on her way and backed out of her driveway. Bella would have to wait, for now, but Beca was already thinking of how she was going to respond as she made her way over to Chloe's.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Comments, feedback, and kudos are always welcome. I also write mini-fics so if you would like to send me a prompt or feedback feel free to send me messages at my tumblr http://emilyxjunk.tumblr.com.


	2. Who doesn't love Oreos?

_**Simone, I listened to the song you sent me on repeat all night. I'm legit obsessed. You would probably hate my taste in music. I mean my iPod is filled with Disney songs, musicals, pop... actually, I like just about anything. Seriously if I can sing it, then I like it. Which can get really embarrassing sometimes. Which is why I never put my iPod on shuffle around anyone. It happened once and I swear my cheeks were permanently red for days. Obviously some of the things that I've told you about myself are things I've never talked about with anyone. You have something about you that makes me want to open up and that's slightly terrifying for me. But...in like a good way.** _

"Earth to Beca, you didn't hear a thing I've said did you? God you have been such a space case lately," Chloe said linking her arm with her best friend and steering her out to the tables that were out in the quad. Beca quickly tucked her phone in her pocket steadying her wobbly tray with her free hand, trying to hide the obvious grin that seemed permanent on her lips as of late. It had been a few weeks of emails between Beca and Bella, the girl slipping into her life easily even if it was just in the form of emails. They had slipped into this comfortable kind of conversation mixed with banter, flirting, confessions, and just being silly with each other. The only downside was she was having a hard time not being distracted even when she was around her friends. Jesse and Stacie only made a few comments that Beca was being weirder than normal, but Chloe never missed anything and she was beginning to ask more and more questions that Beca was finding harder to dodge.

She sat down next to Chloe, putting her tray down in front of her eyeing the others who were already seated. Jesse and Stacie were extremely close, his lips near her ear as she giggled playfully. Beca’s gaze moved discreetly to Chloe who was acting like she didn’t see the two as she focused a bit too hard on opening her bottle of water. Beca felt bad for Chloe, it couldn’t be easy watching Jesse so blatantly flirting with Stacie. The only thing Beca had yet to figure out is if Stacie liked Jesse. Stacie was definitely flirty with him, but Stacie seemed to just be a naturally flirty person.

“So what’s the plan for this weekend,” Jesse asked eyeing Beca as if she was supposed to have the answer to this question. She wracked her brain, shit were they supposed to have plans? Beca popped a french fry in her mouth to buy herself some time before she had to answer. Jesse groaned, looking from Chloe to Beca. Stacie smirked at Beca, finding amusement in her obvious lack of understanding. Beca finally swallowed looking at him feeling a bit sheepish as she finally spoke. “I’m blanking were we supposed to do something this weekend?” Jesse looked at Chloe like it was her responsibility to bring Beca back to reality. Chloe turned to her best friend, those intense blue eyes zeroing in on Beca’s own. Whenever Chloe did that Beca swore Chloe could see everything she tried to keep hidden. “Emily’s parents are going out of town so she’s having people over remember,” Chloe said which instantly jogged Beca’s mind. They were trying to decide who was supposed to drive because that person was in charge of making sure the others got home. The thing was Beca didn’t really want to go, she would rather stay home and talk to Bella. “I mean I drive every day, so I think I should automatically get a pass to having to,” Beca said having another fry. Jesse let out a defeated sigh and agreed to ask his parents to borrow their car.

Stacie and Jesse began to talk again, giving Chloe a chance to focus in on Beca again. “So what’s up? Cause we both know there’s something you aren’t telling me. I mean half the time we are together anymore your phone is like super glued to your hand and you have this goofy little grin on your face. Like what’s the deal,” Chloe asked nudging Beca lightly with her arm. Beca tried to play it off that half of what Chloe had said wasn’t true, despite knowing it was. She really needed to get better at hiding this. “Um your phone is always in your hand obsessing over BardenSecrets,” she said raising an eyebrow at Chloe playfully. Chloe opened her mouth to respond, but was cut off as a tall brunette sat down at their table. Beca welcomed the distraction hoping it would be enough to keep Chloe’s curiosity at bay.

“Hey Em,” Beca said with a small nod at the other. Beca had known Emily for two years, she was a year under Beca and her friends. Emily was really smart though and even in her freshman year, she was in Sophomore Algebra 2. If it weren’t for Emily, Beca wasn’t sure if she would have passed that year and their friendship circles had continued to cross paths over the years. “Hey,” Emily beamed glancing amongst the others as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “So you guys are coming this weekend right,” Emily asked as she opened the package of Oreos in her hand. “Wouldn’t miss it. I’ve heard everyone’s coming,” Stacie said who was never one to turn down a party. Chloe eyed Emily curiously, her motherly demeanor showing as she pointed to Emily’s cookies. “Oreos Em? Seriously that’s all you’re eating? You can’t just have Oreos for lunch.” Beca turned to Chloe in mock defense as if Chloe crossed a line. “Um they’re Oreos Chlo. They are acceptable for literally any meal of the day,” Beca said which earned a giggle from Emily which Beca always thought was adorable. Emily was one of those people who was always smiling and her positivity was contagious. “They are my weakness. Especially all the different holiday ones. Like the way to my heart on Valentine’s day is those pink stuffed Oreos,” Emily said taking a bite of her cookie while Beca agreed with a nod.

The five of them enjoyed the rest of their lunch, talking about the upcoming party until lunch was over. Beca spent lunch not checking her phone in the hopes that Chloe would forget all of her questions. Beca had a free period next anyway, so she could focus on messaging Bella then. Beca gave a small wave to her friends as she headed off to the library, deciding it would just be easier to message Bella back from the computer. She moved to the far corner, logging on to the computer, her gaze moving around to make sure no one was close enough to see what she was doing.

_**Bella,** _

_**I’m gonna have to make you a playlist, cause I have plenty of other music recommendations especially if you liked that one. No judgement here. I think we all have a secret group of songs that we love, but are a bit embarrassing. I can honestly say I have a playlist full of cringeworthy songs. While I’m not ready to go into the details of that particular playlist, I will admit there is more than one Britney Spears song on there. I know what you mean, I’ve been thinking about that a lot if I’m being honest. My friends are great, but I’ve shared with you some things that I could never dream of telling them like my middle school crush on Emma Watson. It just happens so naturally with you, it’s a bit weird how naturally cause I’m never like this.** _

“Beca?” Beca snapped up, her heart racing as she realized how so into her writing she had gotten. A girl from her Chemistry class named Lindsey had walked up and she hadn’t even realized. Shit, she really needed to be more careful. “Is there anyway you can help me with the worksheet we had to finish from yesterday’s lab? I’m useless here and I only have twenty minutes,” Lindsey asked giving Beca a hopeful look. Beca nodded, trying not to draw attention to her email feeling her palms beginning to sweat. She quickly typed **_Simone_** at the bottom of her email and sent it off clicking the red x at the top of the browser forgetting to log out. “Yeah uh sure, let’s go sit over there,” Beca said trying to keep her voice calm even though her anxiety was through the roof. No more using the school computers, it was too much of a risk.

Beca grabbed her bag and headed over to the other side of the library, trying to focus solely on her conversation with Lindsey trying to calm her racing heart. Seeing Beca’s computer open up, Martin a senior from the drama club, made his way over to the empty seat. He quickly typed in the url for gmail, but was surprised when it opened up to someone’s gmail account. He glanced over towards Beca who had her back to him, before discreetly beginning to click on the emails in the inbox reading with a smirk. Martin’s eyes went wide as he took in what the emails said, his mind whirling with ideas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Comments, feedback, and kudos are always welcome. I also write mini-fics so if you would like to send me a prompt or feedback feel free to send me messages at my tumblr http://emilyxjunk.tumblr.com.


	3. You're Blackmailing Me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to Cait (bc-mtchll.tumblr.com) for being my music guru and the person who helps me through my writing blocks with Beca, cause she's amazing. All the music that Beca sends Emily is from a playlist that she made me. She's awesome and you should check out the playlist she made me if you want additional feels https://itunes.apple.com/gb/playlist/beca-mitchell/pl.u-eWJlIWPbdxo

Beca was able to push the feeling of uneasiness she had felt in the library away as the rest of her day moved along. Probably due to the rest of her day seeming to move at top speed. She had another lab in Chemistry that required her full attention and after school they ran through the whole play for the first time. She was nonstop on the move and before long she was hiking her bag on her shoulder, saying bye to Stacie, and making her way towards her car.

"Hey Beca wait up." Beca turned towards the voice, but continued to walk as she rolled her eyes seeing Martin approaching her. He was in the same grade as Emily, but unlike Emily, Beca couldn't stand Martin. "What is it Martin? I have to get home," Beca said still striding towards the door. "Right probably to send more emails right," Martin asked eyeing Beca to see if his words had the effect he desired. It did. Beca began to slow her pace, turning to meet Martin's gaze her stomach tightening. "What are you talking about," Beca asked trying to keep her voice steady even though internally she was having a mini panic attack. She needed to not jump to conclusions, maybe he like most of the people around her, had seen her sending countless emails to an unknown person. Yeah, she was going to go with that until he told her different trying to steady her breathing. "Well I used the computer after you today," Martin started a sheepish grin on his face making Beca narrow her eyes as she began to walk away from him again. "Good for you," she mumbled getting closer to the door that led out to the parking lot.

"Yeah. It was weird though, I went to go to gmail and it was already logged in. So I read your emails. You know it might interest you to know my brother's gay," Martin said definitely making sure to emphasize certain words over others. Beca stopped in her tracks turning around to close the space between them glaring. "No it wouldn't," she said through gritted teeth fighting the urge to punch him right then and there but wanting him to know she wasn't above it. Martin held his hands up in defense, but his smug expression showed Beca that he knew he had the upper hand here. "Don't worry I won't show anyone," he said and Beca's heart instantly dropped as she pushed him into a locker forcefully. Martin let out a grunt as Beca gripped up the front of his shirt. "Did you screenshot my fucking emails? Are you...what the fuck is wrong with you," she snarled in complete disbelief that this was happening right now. "Listen, I just thought we could help each other. You're friends with Stacie right? Well I like her...a lot. And I figured we could help each other. You help me win over Stacie and I," Martin began but was cut off by Beca. "Won't leak my fucking emails. So you're seriously blackmailing me," she asked glaring at him her hands shaking with anger as Martin gave a little shrug unfazed by how fucked up the situation was. She wanted to beat the shit out of him, but that wouldn't do anything. Martin would just leak her emails and out her to the whole student body. It wasn't just about outing her, Beca was 99% sure if the emails would be leaked, she would lose Bella and she wasn't prepared for that. "Fine," she finally muttered pushing him into the locker once more before storming off. She needed to get as far away from this school as possible. 

As she climbed into her car, Beca leaned her head against the steering wheel letting out a defeated sigh. How could she have been so stupid to not log out of her emails? What if Martin decided to be a little shit and leak them anyway? What would Beca do? What would Bella do? "Fuck, fuck, FUCK," she mumbled until she yelled the last word slamming her hand down on the steering wheel. Beca buckled her seatbelt, before heading home needing to be as far away from the school as possible. As she pulled into her driveway, her phone went off with a notification from Bella. 

**_Simone, so this may be embarrassing but I already have a playlist that I named after you and it's all the songs you've ever sent me. It has been my go to playlist lately, maybe cause I can't stop thinking about you... So yes, send me as many songs as you can think of, I will add it to my list. Britney is one of the queens, so no judgement. Well a little bit of judgement because you have her on your cringeworthy playlist and she should be on every playlist you have at least once except for the cringeworthy playlist lol. It does happen naturally and you have become my favorite part of my day. I look forward to hearing my notifications going off and knowing that it's an email from you. No matter how my day is going, I can always count on you to make me smile._ **

**_-Bella_ **

Beca sat back in her car, feeling all the anxiousness that had been coursing through her since she had left the school starting to lessen. That was the thing about Bella, she brought a calm over Beca which made her feel like everything would be okay even in the shittiest of situations. Beca made her way into the house, bypassing her mom with a quick mumble of homework as she headed upstairs to her room. She crawled onto her bed, reaching for her laptop, laying across her bed on her stomach. She opened up her iTunes and her gmail, starting her reply to Bella as music began playing through the speakers.

_**Bella,** _

_**That is probably the least embarrassing thing I've ever heard. Actually gonna embarrass myself and say that it's adorable. Which is weird for me because I never find anything adorable. Yet, it happens a lot when it comes to you. I seem to find myself wanting to say it to you all the time. When it comes to music it used to feel like my only outlet...well before you. So I kept a lot of it to myself because it was personal to me, but with you I hear something and I have to send it right away. It's such a new feeling for me, but at the same time I know I don't want it to stop. I'm so different with you, but in like a good way that I don't want to stop. I'm normally so against change, but I've liked the changes in my life since you came into it. Wow, okay so I feel like I'm rambling right now. I don't know I had a weird...kind of shitty end of my day so I'm not even sure how much of this even made sense. But until I can make you a proper playlist, you should add these songs that are my go to:** _

**Something Just Like This (R3hab Remix) - The Chainsmokers & Coldplay**

**Make Me Feel - Janelle Monae**

**Just A Dream - Nelly**

_**I promise to have a decent playlist to you by tomorrow though. I'm gonna start working on it right now.** _

_**-Simone** _

Beca switched over to her iTunes, letting the music play through her speakers as she tried not to think about anything but what she wanted to put on this playlist for Bella. She was glad to have this distraction, not wanting to even begin to think of what she was going to do about the whole Martin situation. She was surprised though to hear the small chime signaling another email so quickly. She switched windows, already smiling to herself just knowing it was Bella.

_**Simone, I'm sorry you had a bad day :( if it helps at all, everything you said has me smiling and blushing like a complete idiot. But hey, that's me all the time when I read your emails. It's crazy you have this effect on me because no one else ever has. Sometimes I think about how it would be if we were face to face... And I definitely don't want it to stop either. The music has already been added to your playlist :) no rush though if you can't get it done that quick I promise I'm not going anywhere. As far as fixing your bad day, my go to is always Oreos. I mean they literally fix everything. I'm currently eating the Halloween ones because despite what everyone says, they taste better. Try and have a good night.** _

_**-Bella** _

Beca stared wide eyed at the email, her mind whirling as she reread the last few sentences. Her mind quickly going to her conversation earlier that day. Emily. Bella was Emily. "Oh my god."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Comments, feedback, and kudos are always welcome. I also write mini-fics so if you would like to send me a prompt or feedback feel free to send me messages at my tumblr http://emilyxjunk.tumblr.com. Also follow me on twitter @emilyxjunk to get notifications for when I add chapters.


	4. Not Everything is What It Seems

Emily. She was the only thing Beca could think about. Now when she was emailing "Bella" all she could do was imagine Emily laying across her stomach and reading her response. The smiles that were always gracing her lips and the giggles that could make even Beca smile and laugh softly. She had been so curious about Bella, but had liked the idea of anonymity. Now that she knew though, Beca didn't know how to handle it. Seeing Emily was a completely different experience. She was paying attention to all the little things about her.

 

Like when Emily was thinking really hard or confused by something, she would furrow her brows and tilt her head to the side as if that would suddenly make everything clear. Or if Emily was really happy or excited about something she would crinkle her nose when she would smile extra wide. Or how when the two were together, Emily was always touching her some type of way. Okay maybe that wasn’t new? Maybe Beca was just more aware of it now. Maybe because her body seemed to heat up with every touch, she was convinced one of these days her skin would burn Emily. Beca wanted to say something, a million times over, but there were countless things stopping her. For one, what if Emily was disappointed that it was Beca? I mean the girls had always gotten along really well, but this was different. So different. And what if Emily didn’t want to know? They had sent almost a 100 emails back and forth and neither of them had mentioned meeting in person. Maybe it was because Emily wanted to keep things solely online. There were too many doubts flooding her brain, Beca couldn’t bring herself to tell her.

 

It was the night of Emily’s party and Beca was waiting at Chloe’s house for Jesse to pick them both up. Beca would never admit it, but she had changed her clothes a few times before finally deciding on the first outfit that she had tried on. "You seem tense, everything okay," Chloe asked rubbing Beca's shoulder's playfully causing an eyeroll from Beca. She opened her mouth to speak, but then quickly closed it. As many times as she had wanted to come clean to Emily, Beca had almost told Chloe just as many times. She wasn't sure what kept her from saying anything at this point. Beca knew Chloe, she was the type who would love her no matter what. It was just the type of person Chloe was, but she still stopped herself every time she thought she may finally confess it. If she were to be honest, the real reason Beca didn't let her secret out is because no matter how much Chloe loved her, speaking the truth was going to change things. And Beca hated change and avoided it as much as possible. "I just have a ton of school stuff that I'm swamped with. Being a senior was supposed to easy shit Chlo and like it's not," Beca said only half lying. Lately she had been struggling with school cause she was so focused on everything outside of school. "Well we are not going to think about that tonight," Chloe said standing in front of Beca and lacing their fingers together. "Tonight we are going to have fun, matter of fact turn off your cellphone. I want my best friend tonight, not the zombie behind the screen you've slowly become," Chloe said letting go of Beca’s hand so that she could take out her phone. Beca raised her eyebrow at Chloe, she never turned her phone off. Like never. But seeing as she was going to be at Emily's house, there wasn't really any chance of sending emails tonight anyway. Besides it was Chloe and it was damn near impossible to say no to Chloe. "Fine," she grumbled rolling her eyes as she pushed down on the power button showing the screen turning off to Chloe. "Happy," she teased just as the horn blew outside. 

 

As they made their way outside Beca took in that Stacie was sitting in the passenger seat beaming out at them. Beca gazed over at Chloe, noticing the girl's gaze falling again seeing the two. She loved Stacie, but she didn't understand how Jesse hadn't picked up on Chloe's obvious crush and jumped at the chance of dating her. The four of them drove to the party, Stacie filling the car with her rambling while Beca and Chloe gave nods and "yeahs" appropriately. Jesse on the other hand was hanging on to every one of her words. Stacie glanced back at Chloe with a wide smile. "So you're gonna dance with me tonight right? I need my dancing partner," she said with a flirty smirk. Chloe looked a bit surprised and gave a slow nod her smile slowly creeping along her lips. The same girl who had seemed as if she was sulking was now ridiculously smiley? Beca looked between the two, completely confused by the whole exchange. Even though Beca was attracted to girls, they still confused her ungodly. And she didn't have the energy to figure it out in the slightest, especially not tonight.

 

Jesse parked down the street from Emily's house, cars lined up and down the street to the house. Beca walked up to the house, hearing her own heart pounding in her ears. As they entered the house it took awhile for Beca to adjust to the sensory overload. There was literally masses of people everywhere her gaze landed. "You're here," Beca heard the excited voice before she saw the brunette approaching her with a wide smile wrapping her arms around Beca pulling her into a tight hug. As much as Beca hated to be hugged, she was disappointed when Emily pulled away moving to hug the rest of the four. Beca took notice to the red cup in Emily's hand, trying to stifle a laugh. "Em...are you drunk," Beca asked mildly amused by the other as she took in how flushed she was. "Nope. Just tingly," Emily said with a shrug and a giggle which caused a smirk to cross all of their lips. "C'mon let's get you a drink," Emily said lacing Beca's fingers with her own as she led her into the kitchen. Jesse followed behind, but Chloe was dragged towards the back of the house by Stacie. "Beca doesn't drink," Jesse started, but Beca silenced him with a glare which he raised an eyebrow at holding up his hands defensively. "He means I normally don't drink because I'm always driving, but tonight that's Jesse's job," Beca said quickly taking the cup of liquid that Emily had held out for her. She glared at Jesse before taking a long sip, instantly coughing. It was strong, really strong. How had Emily been able to drink this? Emily smiled over at the other and Beca was pretty sure she was on the verge of melting. 

 

"Beca." She heard her name and turned towards it instantly wishing she hadn't. Her gaze locked on Martin approaching her and Beca's eyes got wide. She couldn't deal with him right now, especially not in front of Emily. What if he mentioned Bella or the emails? She quickly moved towards him pushing him towards a corner of the house where it would be hard to be overheard. "What do you want," Beca hissed her eyes glaring as Martin looked at her surprised. "I think I made it pretty clear what I want and what I expect. So is Stacie here? I was thinking maybe you could get her to dance with me or like maybe we could get out of here and go somewhere and talk," Martin said looking around spitting in his hand running it through his hair to help keep the stray hairs down. Beca scrunched her nose in disgust, wanting to get out of his presence as soon as possible. "Not tonight Martin," she mumbled moving away from him slowly. "Fine I mean everyone in the school is here now I could just send your emails out to everyone in like a mass text message," Martin called out to her and Beca's heart dropped to her stomach and she whirled back around her fist clenching. She had never wanted to hit someone as bad as she wanted to hit him. And yet, she knew he would still win. "Fine. I will figure out a way for you to be around Stacie, but literally it's up to you to win her over. I can only do so fucking much," she muttered and he gave her a wide grin letting his hand rest on her shoulder. She glanced down at his hand before narrowing her eyes at him. "Don't fucking touch me," she said to him her voice even as she glared.

 

Beca made her way to go find Stacie and Chloe, downing the rest of the drink in her cup. She felt disgusting. She was essentially setting Stacie up with the most disgusting human being on earth just to save herself? It was fucked up and she knew it. Beca needed to find a way out of this, but right now she couldn't fucking think straight so she needed to just fucking appease the asshole until she could figure out what to do. Her gaze fell on the two dancing and Beca stopped in her tracks. The two were dancing, but as if they were the only two in the room. There focus was solely on each other and they looked so….happy. Now that Beca thought about it, she couldn’t recall a time where the two of them had been alone together without either Jesse or Beca tagging along. That guilt that been coursing through her body, burned hot as she knew she wasn’t just gonna hurt Stacie right now she was gonna wipe that smile off her best friend’s face. Fuck. She was a selfish asshole.

 

She was beginning to doubt that she could actually go through with it when Martin was next to her again. She glared at him as he stood next to her, his eyes focused on Stacie practically drooling. “Put your tongue back in your mouth,” Beca hissed at him looking over her eyes scanning the outside area for ideas. It landed on the table that had been set up for Quidditch beer pong. Fucking Emily, Beca thought unable to hide her smile. As if her thoughts made the girl materialize, she saw the brunette approaching her. “Bec wanna play,” Emily asked motioning to the table with a wide smile. Beca quickly nodded and grabbed Stacie’s hand pulling her away from Chloe. “Yeah uh you and I versus Martin and Stacie,” Beca suggested refusing to let her gaze move to Chloe knowing the hurt look that would be evident. She swallowed hard before turning to take Chloe’s hand with a convincing smile. “I could never play against you, you’re my good luck charm,” Beca said making Chloe smile as she went to sit next to the table on Emily and Beca’s side. Beca let out a small sigh of relief, she really couldn’t handle the thought of hurting Chloe tonight on everything else. It was just too fucking much. Stacie on the other hand was glaring at Beca as if she was trying to figure out how she had gotten stuck with this partnership. Beca gave Stacie a pleading look, which Stacie rolled her eyes at and eventually gave a reluctant nod.

 

The game began and instantly Beca saw that they were pretty equally matched. Beca and Emily were okay, Stacie was really good, and Martin was horrible. Every time Emily or Beca would score a point, Emily would grab her excitedly either by the hand or pull her into a hug. The touches seemed to linger the more alcohol was in their body. Despite being paired with Martin, Stacie seemed to enjoy watching him play miserably and Chloe seemed content enough watching how close the match was. It seemed to be going better than she had expected. When Emily and Beca won, Emily squealed excitedly wrapping her arms around Beca. They both had their fair amount of alcohol and the way Emily’s hand cupped the smalls of her back was enough to make Beca think her whole body was on fire. And then the moment ended, Emily being pulled away by some friends who had been watching and Chloe pulling Beca towards her beaming. “I’m impressed,” Chloe said nudging Beca playfully as Beca smirked smugly at her friend. Beca was still feeling overheated and wasn’t sure if it was from all the lingering touches from Emily or from the alcohol. “I’m gonna be right back. Bathroom,” she mumbled in explanation before moving to the house.

 

Once she found a free bathroom, she took a clean rag and put it under the faucet soaking it with cold water. She dabbed the cloth against her neck taking long, deep breaths. She gazed at herself in the mirror flashes of Emily’s smile and excitement playing over and over in her head. She was going to tell her, Beca had to tell her. Beca placed the rag on the counter, trying to keep her balance realizing how tipsy she was as she began to move through the house. After asking a few random people if they had seen Emily she found herself making her way upstairs. Supposedly someone saw Emily moving up to her room. Beca made her way upstairs, knocking softly on the door that had Emily’s name on the outside of it. Seriously how adorable was she? As she turned the knob a smile ghosting her lips, her gaze fell on Emily sitting on the edge of her bed and Benji leaning in their lips on each other. Beca gasped just as Emily had pushed Benji away Emily’s eyes wide moving between Benji and Beca. “Sorry,” Beca mumbled quickly scrambling to close the door and she left the two both staring at her retreating back. Beca felt a wave of sickness coming over her. She had been so sure Bella was Emily, so sure. But obviously she was wrong. Dead wrong. She fought back tears, the alcohol making it so it was hard for her to keep her emotions at bay as she searched for Chloe ready to go home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Comments, feedback, and kudos are always welcome. I also write mini-fics so if you would like to send me a prompt or feedback feel free to send me messages at my tumblr http://emilyxjunk.tumblr.com. Also follow me on twitter @emilyxjunk to get notifications for when I add chapters.


	5. Sometimes You Should Just Go To Bed...

The moment that Beca found Chloe, the red head could see something was wrong with Beca. Chloe assumed that her best friend was just drunk and feeling horrible, which Beca didn't bother to correct. Mainly because it was partially the truth. She felt physically ill. Emily and Benji? Emily with Benji. She had been so sure, Beca had convinced herself that everything fit. But now that she thought back, had she really? Okay so the Oreos had given her the biggest clue, but some of the mannerisms of Bella reminded her so much of Emily. But Emily was obviously straight and all of those lingering touches she had convinced herself meant something, was just Emily being Emily. It's not like anything in the past three years had given Beca a reason to think otherwise.

"Chlo I need to go," Beca mumbled not making eye contact with anyone else as she stumbled out of the house her best friend quickly moving to hold her up. Beca wasn't sure if it was the alcohol making her queasy or the pain from realizing it wasn't Emily. Every time Beca closed her eyes she saw the two kissing and it made her stomach tighten. And Benji? Of all people? I mean there was nothing wrong with Benji, he actually reminded Beca a lot of Jesse, but in a dorkier way. He was a good guy, but she just wished that it had been her upstairs kissing Emily. And if Emily wasn't Bella, who was? Beca was so focused on getting away from the house, it took her almost a block of walking to realize that it was just the two of them and that Jesse had brought them. "Shit," Beca muttered stopping suddenly making Chloe stumble as she gazed around trying to figure out what had made Beca stop. "What's wrong? Do you feel sick? Did you forget something," Chloe asked pushing Beca's hair out of her face concern shining through those intense blue eyes. Beca shook her head, taking a moment to let the night breeze hit her face cooling it down a bit. "I'm just drunk and an idiot cause now we are walking home instead of getting a ride. I'm just fucking up everything tonight Chlo," Beca mumbled leaning more on Chloe as she began to walk again. Chloe made a soft shushing sound with her mouth adjusting her grip so she could support Beca better. "You literally live like 5 minutes from here, we will survive. And you didn't fuck up anything. You drank way too much, which for you is anything after one drink, but it's okay we've all been there. Now we just have to focus on getting you upstairs to your room and in bed without your parents flipping out,"Chloe said as they made their way up the street. 

They walked in silence, Chloe holding on to her and stopping her whenever she was dangerously close to tripping or falling. Beca's mind was on a constant loop, but she wasn't the only one who seemed to be lost in their thoughts. Beca opened her mouth to say something, some sort of an apology for pulling Chloe away from the party, but they were already in front of her house. Thankfully, they had already planned for Chloe to stay over, so the red head entering the house with her wasn't weird. Now Chloe having to support her weight so she didn't fall up the stairs was a completely different story. Luckily her mother had fallen asleep on the couch and her dad was traveling once again. Chloe got Beca upstairs and helped her ease onto her bed. "Okay so do you want to get changed or are you just sleeping in that," Chloe asked eyeing Beca curiously as she stood next to the bed. Beca shrugged kicking off her shoes and crawling farther into her bed which basically answered the question for Chloe. Chloe flopped down on the other side of the queen bed, laying back so her hair fanned out against the mattress. Her eyes were focused and she was just quiet, more quiet than Beca had ever experienced. The guilt began to set in again and she moved to lay with her head on the other side of Chloe's. "I'm sorry for dragging you away from the party," Beca mumbled causing Chloe to turn and face her quickly shaking her head. "No it's fine," Chloe said with a small smile propping herself up on her elbow. 

A few beats of silence passed between them, Beca unsure of what else to say before Chloe spoke up again. "Do you ever feel like the whole world is spinning and you are barely holding on? Like sometimes it feels like everything makes sense and then the next moment everything you thought you knew and felt just shifts. It's like you have no control and you are grasping to understand it and then the moment you think you might, it shifts again," Chloe asked her gaze moving just above Beca's head as if she was trying to hide her emotions. Which was impossible for Chloe, but the fact that she was trying showed Beca how bad things currently were. "Yeah," Beca finally said with a small nod. "I mean isn't that just high school? Cause I'm pretty sure that's me majority of the time," Beca said trying to reassure her best friend without letting her know how much she related to Chloe's words. A few more moments of silence passed between them, making Beca feel uneasy even though she didn't know what to say to help fill the void. "Did you know Jesse kissed Stacie tonight," Chloe finally asked laying back down on the bed no longer making eye contact with Beca. There it was. That was what was bothering Chloe. She was hurt because Jesse had made his choice known and while she loved Stacie, Beca would never understand why Jesse didn't pick Chloe. "No I didn't...you okay dude," Beca asked which caused Chloe to turn towards her best friend furrowing her eyebrows. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be," Chloe said her voice unnaturally high signaling that she was actually not okay. Beca chewed the inside of her cheek, she wished Chloe would talk to her about her feelings for Jesse, but that was beyond hypocritical considering all that she was keeping from Chloe. "No reason," Beca mumbled quickly shaking her head as shifted under the covers. "I'm gonna head to bed, the room has finally stopped spinning, but now I'm exhausted," Beca said turning off the light in the room. Beca laid against her pillow sensing that Chloe and her were both laying there wanting to say so much, but unable to find the words. "Bec," Chloe finally said her voice filled with emotion as if she was ready to spill out her deepest darkest secret. "Mhm," Beca said softly holding her breath as she waited for Chloe's response. "Um, night," Chloe finally said shifting so she was facing the other way. "Night," Beca responded softly chewing on her lip all of their unspoken words hanging in the air between them. Right now she wished she was able to just turn to her best friend and say Chlo I'm gay. But instead she laid there, listening to how Chloe's breathing shifted as she slipped off to sleep. 

Except, Beca couldn't sleep. She had become so accustomed to talking to Bella at night, especially when something was on her mind. But what was the point of sending an email if Bella wasn't Emily, right? That's when reality hit her. Even though Bella wasn't Emily, it didn't change the fact that she had started to care about the girl who she had been communicating with. No matter who Bella was, Beca wasn't ready to let go of her. So really nothing had changed for them, she still didn't know who Bella was, but she knew she still needed the other girl. Beca took her phone out of her pocket, turning it back on underneath her pillow so the startup sound would be muffled. As soon as it was powered on, she clicked on the email app and clicked on compose new.

_**Bella,** _

_**Sorry it's so late, I was at a party tonight and needless to say things were crazy and I'm kind of buzzed. Not to mention my best friend is staying over tonight and well that has been interesting in itself. So apparently my best friend likes my other friend and he has no idea. And the craziest part is she hasn't even told me she likes him. I've just been able to tell over time there's something there. I guess we all have secrets and tonight I wanted to tell her mine, but I just couldn't get the words out. Anyway, I have been thinking about why I haven't come out yet. Maybe it's because it doesn't seem fair that only gay people have to come out. Why is straight the default? Or maybe because I'm not sure if this whole being gay thing is for forever. I mean if I have never been with a girl before, how do I really know? And once I put that label on myself, it makes it so permanent, you know? Or maybe it's that there's not that much more of high school left and maybe I just want to hold onto who I've always been, just a little bit longer. And then when I go off to college, I can finally be out and proud. I don't know, there's days that I can't imagine being out in high school, but then there's other moments where I think it wouldn't be so bad. Mainly when I'm imagining having you right there next to me. I think that being out wouldn't be such a bad thing, if I was with you. Which is crazy, because I still have no idea who you are. Anyway, it's late and I've rambled enough for one night to make myself look like an idiot. I hope you're having a good night.** _

_**Love, Simone** _

Beca hit send and clicked her phone off, relaxing into her pillow for a few beats. And then her words hit her and she instantly turned her phone back on starting at her sent email. She had wrote **love**. What was wrong with her? "Shit," Beca groaned careful not to wake up Chloe. Beca gripped her hair staring at her phone in disbelief. She placed her phone on the bed next to her and let her head fall onto her pillow with a sigh. She needed to sleep before she fucked up anything else tonight. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Comments, feedback, and kudos are always welcome. I also write mini-fics so if you would like to send me a prompt or feedback feel free to send me messages at my tumblr http://emilyxjunk.tumblr.com. Also follow me on twitter @emilyxjunk to get notifications for when I add chapters.


	6. A New Plan Is Formed

Beca began setting up her equipment for play practice. They were having a full dress rehearsal on Saturday morning, which made the fact that Beca had been drinking the night before even more idiotic. Chloe had woken her up, almost oversleeping, because she had forgotten to plug in her phone the night before which had led to it dying and that meant no alarm. She had rushed to rehearsal, making it there a few minutes before they were supposed to start, apologizing over and over to her drama teacher. Beca plugged her phone in, while it was starting up she finished setting up the rest of the equipment. As the the rest of the cast finished getting organized she checked her phone, seeing an email form Bella. Beca could feel her palms getting sweaty, only vaguely remembering what she had texted the night before. 

**_Simone, so I've come to realize my favorite thing is you emailing me when you are buzzed. And I say buzzed because your spelling and grammar were pretty amazing for a drunk person, so I'm guessing some of the alcohol was out of your system by then. But don't worry, I liked it. As far as coming out, I know what you mean about wanting to wait until college. It's so freeing to think I can go somewhere else and start over. To be able to walk in the person I want to be from the beginning, opposed to having to change people's perceptions of me that they've grown so accustomed to is so promising. And honestly, people just assume. I have people assume that I'm interested just because I'm nice and they are a guy. It's hard, I wish I could just have someone next to me that makes me feel so comfortable that I don't overthink every movement. So yeah I know what you mean about it would be better together. I think about it sometimes... What it would be like to hold your hand, to hug you, or... to kiss you. I can't believe I just said that. I can't believe I'm hitting send._ **

_**Love, Bella** _

Beca's heart began to race, she thought about kissing her? Beca thought she was the only one who had gone there. I mean mainly once she thought Bella was Emily, but still she had thought about. Beca glanced back at the email taking note of the love at the end, causing her to smile a bit to hard. So all that panicking was for nothing, she needed to stop overthinking everything. I mean she knew it didn't mean that they "loved each other" but she definitely cared a lot about someone she had never even met before. As she clicked out of the email she saw she had multiple missed text messages. Beca went through reading each text, seeing two from Stacie and one from Jesse. The rest though were from Martin, a lot of them just repeats of the same text messages. 

**{text} where did you go?**

**{text} this is martin**

**{text} things are crashing you need to fix this**

**{text} Jesse just kissed Stacie I thought you were taking care of this**

**{text} I will seriously leak your emails to everyone**

**{text} this was a shit show Beca you have 24 hours to fix this or I will do it**

**{text} call me**

Beca ran her hand through her hair, letting out a frustrated groan. She had been so preoccupied with what was going on with Emily that she had left forgetting Martin. He was such a manipulative asshole. And yet here she had been last night pushing Stacie to play with him just to fucking appease him. Beca had no idea what she was going to do, but she didn't think she could come between Stacie and Jesse just to make Martin happy. Even if that meant he was gonna leak her emails. And maybe he didn't even have them. It wasn't like she thought that Martin was above lying, so maybe he had just told Beca he had taken screenshots when in actuality he just read them. Her heart was racing as she tried to figure out her approach, but her head was pounding so hard she was barely able to keep her eyes open. 

"Beca we are ready to start. Are you ready," her drama teacher asked her and Beca quickly put her phone away. She tried to push the text messages out of her head, focusing solely on the play. Luckily she hit all of her cues, which wasn't something a lot of the cast couldn't say. Stacie though looked amazing, all eyes on her every time she got on stage. There was no denying, Stacie was a natural and even if the rest of them sucked she would definitely be able to hold people's attention. As rehearsal went on it was easier for Beca to push it all aside focusing solely in on her music. Before she knew it her drama teacher was calling for rehearsal to come to an end.

Stacie pulled Beca aside after rehearsal, looking slightly uncomfortable. Beca began to think that she was going to talk to her about Jesse and she was 100% sure she wasn't ready to have that conversation. "So about last night. What was the deal with Martin?" The question caught Beca off guard, with the way Martin had texted her she had assumed the interaction between Stacie and Martin had been limited to their Quidditch Pong game. "Uh what do you mean," Beca said trying to give herself time to come up with a plausible excuse. Stacie gazed down at her and Beca felt slightly exposed like Stacie could see through her bullshit. "I mean after you disappeared he was pretty aggressive about wanting to take me out. He said that you had suggested it and you thought we would be cute together," Stacie said raising an eyebrow at Beca like she was having a hard time believing that Beca would even suggest such a thing. Stacie seemed to be waiting for Beca to shut down Martin's attempt, which just made Beca rub her neck nervously.

Beca slowly began to nod swallowing hard trying to come up with some reason on why she would say such a thing. "Well he had mentioned he liked you and I told him I would help him out I guess by making you guys partners for the game. He had said that he was gonna ask you out and I might have said he should," Beca said her heart beginning to race. Stacie looked at Beca, in disbelief. "Is this a Make-A-Wish situation," Stacie asked raising an eyebrow at Beca. Beca had no idea how she thought she would convince her friends, it wasn't like Martin and her were friends. Beca gave a shrug, turning red. Beca knew that Stacie could pick up on the fact that she was keeping something from her.

When Beca seemed to not be willing to give Stacie an answer to why Stacie's expression began to fall. It was a sadness Beca had never seen from Stacie who was always so happy and positive. The other girl could barely meet her gaze and Beca was hoping she would never have to see this side of Stacie again. "Um listen Bec, I don't know what's going on, but I don't like Martin like that. I don't like Martin at all and I'm pretty sure you knew that. And I really like someone else, like actually like them and that's kind of new and scary for me to be honest because I'm not used to having these feelings. So um not sure why you were helping him, but can you just not encourage this. And like next time, can you talk to me before you just push someone towards me. I mean I'm all for a good time, but I would like a say especially when it comes to people like Martin," Stacie said rubbing her arm uncomfortably. It was a vulnerable side of Stacie that she had never shown, at least not to Beca, and it felt like Stacie had kicked her in the stomach. "Yeah um absolutely. Stace I'm really sorry. I'm an idiot most times. I just wasn't thinking," Beca mumbled and Stacie quickly dismissed it with a weak smile. "It's fine. Uh my mom's here. I'll see you later okay," Stacie said giving Beca a small wave before heading out of the auditorium.

Watching Stacie leave, Beca swallowed hard. This was beginning to spiral out of control and she had no idea what she was going to do. What she did know was that she wasn't going to use Stacie as a pawn, but maybe...just maybe there was another option to keeping Martin happy. What if she just made Martin think she was helping him, but behind the scenes? That way she could stop him from leaking everything until she could come out in her own time, in her own way to the people who mattered. She just needed time and this was the only way she could think of to give her time without putting Stacie in the middle of it all. She should feel guilty for being so deceitful, but since Martin wasn't above blackmailing, she wasn't above lying in this case. Beca finished packing up her stuff and headed out to her car, trying to figure out she was going to make this work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! As the story goes on, it will be more and more au from the book and movie to try and stay as true as possible to the characters. Comments, feedback, and kudos are always welcome. I also write mini-fics so if you would like to send me a prompt or feedback feel free to send me messages at my tumblr http://emilyxjunk.tumblr.com. Also follow me on twitter @emilyxjunk to get notifications for when I add chapters.


	7. Tables Have Turned

Beca had texted Martin the moment she was in the car. She needed to do this now, before he decided to do something drastic. He had answered back almost immediately saying he would meet up with her. Beca drove to the strip mall, which was close enough to only take five minutes to get to from the school but also far enough away that the chances of running in to someone they knew was slim. She parked her car, getting out to lean against the trunk running through the plan in her head. She figured this could possibly buy her a week or two and by then she could find a way to come out on her own. Hopefully.

Martin pulled up in a van, one that reminded Beca of the type of van that was always featured on the news involved in a kidnapping. "Of course that's what he drives," she muttered to herself rolling her eyes. Martin jumped out of the van, looking stressed which Beca couldn't help but get some enjoyment from because of his previous behavior. "We had a deal! Where the fuck did you disappear to Mitchell," Martin demanded the moment he was in front of her making Beca narrow her eyes instantly. "First of all, don't start with me. You've been blackmailing me, completely creeped Stacie out, and have officially texted me so much my phone is running slower. So you either want my help or not. Cause this is starting to not even be fucking worth it," Beca growled at him crossing her arms against her chest. Okay so maybe that was a lie, but she was tired of Martin thinking he could do whatever he wanted because he had all this leverage. He needed to be knocked down back to reality sooner than later. Her words seemed to have some sort of an effect, because he stepped back letting out a deep breath to calm himself. "You said you had a plan," he finally said his voice a lot less hostile. 

Beca let out a calming breath herself, feeling like she was finally getting some control back in this situation. "Right so I don't know what the hell happened last night, but you have officially freaked Stacie out. You came on a bit too strong and now I need to do some serious damage control." Martin opened his mouth to speak, but closed it instantly like he didn't know what to say. Which was a shocker because Martin always knew what to say. The sadness in his eyes almost had Beca feeling guilty for him... almost. "So here's the game plan. You are going to stay away from Stacie," she started but he instantly cut her off with a confused look. "How is that suppose to help anything," he asked eyeing her as if he was beginning to not trust her. "If you would let me finish I could explain that," she muttered leaning both of her elbows on her trunk. "The thing is Stacie has no interest in this version of you, because well let's be honest Martin you are kind of an asshole. And by kind of I mean you are a complete asshole. So if we want Stacie to like you, I'm gonna have to change her impression of you. And the best way for me to do this is for me to talk up the good qualities you have. Just give me some time to see if I can change her mind and I will update you on the progress, but it's not gonna happen over night. She's known you for 6 months now and that's 6 months of asshole tendencies I have to erase from her mind," Beca said trying to seem casual, but her heart was racing because she couldn't gauge Martin's face. Was he buying this? Was she completely fucked?

After what felt like hours of Martin's gaze being down on the ground he finally looked up with a nod, meeting Beca's gaze. "Do you really think you can do this," he finally asked Beca who gave a small shrug not trying to commit herself to complete success. "I mean I'm gonna try my best, but I think this is our best bet. Because last night was a crash and burn and if we keep trying that route I can tell you I know Stacie and it's never gonna work," she said simply sticking her hands in her pocket realizing they were beginning to shake with her nerves. He seemed to contemplate it and even though he seemed annoyed, he finally nodded in agreement. "Fine, but I want daily updates. If you disappear on me again like last time I will not hesitate to post your emails." Beca's gaze narrowed again and she stiffened her stance. "You really need to stop with the threats Martin. Because we may get to the point where it will be worth it for you to fucking leak them just so I can kick your ass," Beca seethed before heading to the driver's side of her car and climbing in. She drove off without another glance, gazing down at her hands shaking on the steering wheel. She had done it. And he had actually bought it. "Fuck," she breathed to herself with a small nervous laugh. Okay now all she had to do was think of some updates to send Martin and keep him as far away as possible from Stacie and Jessie. 

* * *

 

_**Bella,** _

_**Wait wait wait... wait a fucking minute. How come you never told me you wrote music? Miss "I have no musical taste" actually writes her own songs? I love how you just casually slipped that into our last email as if I wasn't going to pick up on it. So do I ever get the pleasure of reading something? Cause I mean now I'm beyond intrigued, especially cause you know how I love all things music. But on another note I was thinking maybe we could plan something. I mean we've been emailing for almost two months now and I was just curious how you would feel about meeting? Or even if we don't meet like give me a hint on who you are? I mean I've thought I guessed, but I was horribly wrong and I just think it would be nice to be able to put a face to the emails. Think about it.** _

_**Love, Simone** _

Beca closed her locker as she hit send on her email. She was feeling a bit more carefree than she probably should have, but everything seemed to be going so good right now. It was hard for her to think anything could go wrong at this point. Martin had been taking her updates with excitement and had even calmed down his asshole tendencies, which was enough to make Beca feel better about things. Her gaze fell on Chloe and Stacie sitting at their usual table at the quad. She made her way over, taking in the smiles on both girls' faces. See they all seemed to be feeling this feeling like nothing could go wrong, even though she hadn't talked to Chloe about the whole Stacie and Jesse thing since the other night when she had slept over. As if Beca had thought him into existence Jesse appeared, taking a seat next to Stacie, draping his arm around her shoulder with a smile. Instantly, Chloe's smile faded and she shifted farther away from the pairing. Beca felt her heart drop for her best friend, she needed to find someone to get Chloe's mind off of Jesse. 

"Hey weirdos," Beca said sitting down on the bench across from the awkward threesome. Beca noted that Stacie's expression seemed to have dropped a bit, even though she smiled as Jesse spoke it wasn't the same sort of excitement she had seen moments before. Beca reached over to grab a French fry from Chloe's tray with a smirk, Chloe narrowing her eyes playfully at her. "Did you still want to come over tomorrow and work on History," Chloe asked focusing all her energy on Beca. Beca gazed up trying to remember what she had to do the next day. "Uh yeah, that's fine it won't be until later though because Stacie and I have rehearsal," Beca asked taking her water bottle out and taking a long sip. She almost choked as her gaze moved over Chloe's shoulder and it fell on Emily. 

It was weird, since that night she had been at Emily's house she had barely seen the Junior. It had helped her get over the pain of realizing that Emily wasn't Bella. At least she had thought it did. So why did seeing Emily right now feel like all the air was being squeezed from her lungs? And why did that pain only increase when she realized that Benji was approaching the brunette. Pull it together Mitchell, she tried to tell herself. Emily wasn't Bella, this had already been realized, but despite knowing that...it hurt seeing them together. Why? She couldn't hear their conversation, but there looked to be a lot of awkwardness and a lot of nervous smiles on both of their parts which just made Beca feel worse. And then Emily was looking in Beca's direction and her smile seemed to widen. Emily said something to Benji who nodded, looking a bit disappointed and then Emily was approaching their table. 

"Hey guys," Emily said taking a seat next to Beca and smiling at the group. The others greeted her normally, but Beca couldn't seem to find her voice and used the opportunity to grab another one of Chloe's fries. "If you don't get your own food," Chloe exclaimed pulling her tray out of Beca's reach causing both Emily and Stacie to giggle. Emily glanced over at Beca, tucking a strand of hair behind her own ear. "So uh Bec I need to ask a huge favor. You took Ms. Marley's Creative Writing Class last year right," Emily asked nervously biting her lip in a way that Beca found ridiculously adorable even though she shouldn't. "Yeah, uh yeah I took that," Beca said awkwardly feeling Chloe gazing at her obvious weirdness. "Perfect. So the midterm is the same, create your own piece of creative writing and submit it. But I've written like four different things and I can't choose. I vaguely remember you telling me you aced your Creative Writing class last year. Anyway you could possibly come by this afternoon and help me decide which one to submit? Please please please, I will literally owe you my life," Emily pleaded with a small pout pretty much sealing Beca's fate. How could she say no to that face?

"Yeah I can come around. How's fourish? I have rehearsal after school, but I only have to stay for like the beginning so I should be able to come by after." Emily squealed excitedly, pulling Beca into a tight hug, which Beca enjoyed way more than she would ever be willing to admit. "Em you are squeezing all the air out of me," Beca fake mumbled to get the girl to pull away so she wouldn't realize how fast her heart was racing. Emily giggled pulling away with a small sorry. "Do you mind just taking me home then? I can meet you by the stage around four if that works," Emily asked getting up from the seat. Beca gazed up at her swallowing hard, everything in her head telling her it was a bad idea but nodding in agreement anyway. "Great. I'll see you after school," Emily said waving bye to the group. 

The rest of her friends continued to chat amongst themselves, but Beca was still replaying the scene in her head. There was so many questions currently going through her head. Chloe and Jesse had taken that class along with countless others, so why did Emily ask her? And why was Emily always so touchy with her, considering she wasn't touchy with Benji who Beca was assuming was now her boyfriend? And the most important question of them all. If Beca knew that Emily wasn't Bella, why was her heart racing thinking of the way the girl had been holding her?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! As the story goes on, it will be more and more au from the book and movie to try and stay as true as possible to the characters. Comments, feedback, and kudos are always welcome. I also write mini-fics so if you would like to send me a prompt or feedback feel free to send me messages at my tumblr http://emilyxjunk.tumblr.com. Also follow me on instagram or twitter @emilyxjunk to get notifications for when I add chapters and sneak peaks of upcoming writing.


	8. More Than Just Friends

It was another day of feeling like she was in a haze, Beca's mind somewhere far away from the school. Beca had no idea what was going on around her and if she were being honest, she didn't care. Beca had found herself so wrapped up with the many questions she had about Emily, she completely forgot about the email that she had sent Bella. That was until her phone went off on her way to rehearsal. She paused in the hallway, checking her surroundings before opening up the email trying to remember what she had sent the other girl.

**_Simone, I feel as if you are way more excited than you should be right now lol. I mean I’ve always loved to write, no matter what it was. The last few years though I realized a lot of my poems worked well as songs and I started shifting towards song writing. Except lately I've had some what of a block, but then something just came to me the other night and the lyrics just began to flow. I don't know a huge part of me blames you for that. Because it was while I was thinking of you the lyrics seemed to just come to me so easily. As far as reading something, I don't know...I mean I've never really shared my writing besides for classes and I've never shown anyone my songs. It's probably not even any good. Then again I feel like I should at least show you something considering you helped me through this block. You help me through a lot... that's why this is so hard for me to say. I know you want an answer or a hint about my identity and I would be lying if I said I didn't wonder about yours, but... I just can't. This, our emails, sometimes feels like my only escape and I don't want anything to ruin that for us. I'm not ready for things to change and we both know that if we take away the anonymity of our emails things will change. I'm sorry Simone, I just can't. -Love Bella_ **

Beca chewed on her lip, not sure how she should feel after reading Bella’s email. Did Bella owe her anything, no not in the slightest. And yet the feeling that this would always just be an email exchange caused her to feel - she couldn’t even put a word to the feeling. Upset? Hurt? Scared? Maybe it was a mixture of feelings, but there was definitely a lot of fear. Because if this didn’t move past emails then would it be like all other things in high school that just eventually fizzled out.

Bella had become such an important part of her life already. As nervous as Beca was for Bella to find out who she was it was a step she was beyond ready to take and it bothered her to a point that maybe this wasn’t the same for Bella.Maybe she just wasn’t as important to the girl’s life as Bella was to her's. She hated that her mind went there, because who was she to expect that Bella owed her anything. And she was assuming that the lack of desire to meet meant that this wasn’t serious for the other, which wasn’t fair. But that was the problem with the unknown, it left Beca’s mind to go to the worst possible places.

She placed her phone back in her pocket with a defeated sigh, heading to rehearsal. She couldn’t focus and was glad that she only really needed to set up the mics and check levels before she was allowed to leave. She had just been grabbing her bag when Beca’s eyes fell on Emily sitting in the back of the theater. Beca realized the girl was looking at her phone, Emily's eyebrows furrowed. As Beca took in Emily’s expression she realized there was a faint sadness there. She realized that in all the time she had known Emily, she had never seen her without a smile. It was almost like a mask, she hid behind where people became accustomed to thinking Emily was just always happy. But right now the mask was gone, as if because she wasn’t aware of Beca’s eyes on her she didn’t know she was exposed. It was a vulnerability that made Emily look, well beautiful. The moment her gaze moved up to meet Beca’s though, that smile Beca knew so well reappeared.

“You ready,” Emily asked tilting her head to the side as Beca approached her quickly putting her phone away. Beca nodded, trying to shake that image from her head of Emily, she didn’t know why lately she was struggling to form sentences around the other. “Uh you okay,” Beca finally mumbled unsure of why she even asked. Emily looked confused at first, but when Beca’s gaze moved down to where Emily had just tucked away her phone realization hit. “Oh,” Emily had said shifting a bit nervously as she stood up. “Yeah it’s nothing, just had thought I would have gotten a response to - you know what it doesn’t matter. I’m good,” Emily said with such cheeriness that if Beca hadn’t seen the sadness moments ago she would have truly believed.

Beca decided not to press further, it was none of her business, especially since Beca wasn’t the type to open up either. They made their way out to Beca’s car, Emily rambling on the whole drive which Beca was thankful for considering all that was going through her head. “You can park in the driveway, my parents won’t be home until late,” Emily said pointing to the empty driveway as they approached her house. Beca parked the car, following Emily up to the house.

Emily led Beca up to her room, instantly dropping her bag by her door once inside. Being inside of Emily’s room was definitely weird to say the least. The last time she had been here was when she had caught Benji and Emily kissing, the night things had started to feel like it was falling apart. “Bec you okay,” Emily asked concerned as she glanced over at Beca who was still hovering by the door. “Uh yeah totally fine,” Beca mumbled making her way into the room and having a seat at Emily’s computer desk. The taller girl eyed her curiously before coming over to her desk and shuffling some papers around.“Okay so here’s what I have, the ones I’m leaning more towards are at the top. Seriously tell me what you think, but like also don’t be too blunt cause well I’m also terrified, but yeah I need to know if it’s absolute crap you know. Just yeah um,” Emily had rambled causing Beca to laugh giving her a reassuring smile as she took the papers. “Em sit down and breathe okay,” Beca said amused by how adorable the other was.

“Right breathe,” Emily said inhaling deeply with a thankful smile. “Sorry I’m just nervous, you are like the only one who’s read my writing besides like teachers, but this is the first assignment that’s been like all mine. And not based off of something you know?” Emily leaned across the desk grabbing a package of Oreos and grabbing one. “Want one,” Emily asked holding one out for Beca who took it without hesitation. “I get it, I mean in theory. I’m a shit writer so not a hundred percent sure why you asked me of all people to read over these. But I get it trust me. Now sit back chill with your Oreos and let me read,” Beca teased as she grabbed another Oreo and leaned against the chair.

Her eyes scanned the paper and she felt with each writing Emily transported her somewhere else. She was really good with her words, way better than Beca could ever had imagine. There was one piece though that stood out to Beca. About a girl who lived her life daily playing a role, like there was an imaginary string being controlled by a puppet master. And how the girl longed to cut the strings away, but there was a comfort knowing her life was in someone else’s hands. In the end, the girl finally cut away the strings and realized it was the first day of her actual life. It was such a deep concept, something that Beca could relate to herself.

“Wow,” Beca breathed glancing up to find Emily nervously looking at her. As their gaze met neither of them spoke, but it didn’t feel awkward under any means. “So, say something,” Emily finally said with a nervous giggle. She was playing with a strand of hair, almost as if she didn’t realize what she was doing. Beca shook her head, giving Emily a reassuring smile. “No they are great Em. Like amazing actually. I can see why you struggled picking one cause they are all really good,” Beca said moving over to sit next to Emily on her bed. She placed the other papers down on the bed, keeping the one story in her hand.

“If you want my honest opinion, I think you should go with this one. You wrote it in a way that it is impossible not to connect with the main character. You feel her struggle, it’s really deep,” Beca said glancing up from the paper. Emily had a faint smile on her face, her cheeks crimson with a blush. “You really think so? I originally wasn’t going to even show you that one. I wrote all of the other ones thinking of the assignment, but that one - I don’t know it’s more personal. I wrote it more for myself if that makes sense,” she said nervously wringing her hands as her gaze moved down. “You really think it’s good enough,” Emily finally spoke moving her hands to either side of her. Emily’s fingers brushed against Beca’s and the smaller girl felt her breath hitch. Why was the simplest touch making it feel like she couldn’t breathe. Beca had never felt these things before and she had no idea why Emily was causing her to feel them.

“I do,” Beca said softly her gaze falling on Emily’s lips the two seemed to be inching closer or maybe it was all in Beca’s head. Her mind began to wander thinking of Emily’s lips against hers. Beca cupping her cheek as their lips finally met. Then the image changed and Beca saw Benji kissing Emily and the pain from that night came back. She turned her head away, closing her eyes trying to get the image out of her head. “Bec,” Emily said softly her hand resting on the other’s shoulder. “You okay,” Emily’s voice was filled with concern something that seemed to be happening regularly. “Yeah um I just realized I promised my mom I would help her with some things at home,” Beca said getting up suddenly. Emily's gaze followed Beca as the smaller girl moved to stand in front of the bed. “Oh, yeah I understand,” Emily mumbled even though she looked taken aback by the sudden change.

The shift between them, made Beca feel guilty. Why was she being such a spazz? Emily didn’t owe her anything and maybe she was wrong about the whole Benji thing. I mean Emily had invited her over and not Benji. Beca had a hard time believing it was solely because Emily wanted her advice on her writing. God why was she so unsure about everything lately? Emily. Bella. Herself. She wasn’t sure of anything, but one thing she did know was there was something here even if Emily wasn’t Bella.

“Em, I’m sorry. I um, should go, but listen I really think you should submit it. I think that it’s amazing, but you can’t go wrong with any of your writing. Okay,” Beca asked giving a reassuring smile fighting the urge to kiss the other just once. Emily stood up tucking the strand of hair she had been playing with behind her ear. “Thanks Bec. It means a lot to me that you came by. I feel like we never see each other anymore. And uh I had a lot of fun at my party. I don’t know we should definitely hang out more y’know,” Emily rambled along shifting nervously. Why was Emily nervous? I mean Beca’s heart was beating out of her chest, but what reason did Emily have to be nervous? “Yeah, maybe when things calm down after the play,” Beca finally said with a nod and a weak smile realizing once again the space between the two was closing. “Alright well I’m gonna go, bye Em,” Beca said grabbing her bag and rushing out the door before she did something stupid like lean in and kiss Emily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! As the story goes on, it will be more and more au from the book and movie to try and stay as true as possible to the characters. Comments, feedback, and kudos are always welcome. I also write mini-fics so if you would like to send me a prompt or feedback feel free to send me messages at my tumblr http://emilyxjunk.tumblr.com. Also follow me on instagram or twitter @emilyxjunk to get notifications for when I add chapters and sneak peaks of upcoming writing.


	9. Coming Out All Around

_**Simone, I haven’t heard from you in a few days and I’m hoping you are okay. I’ve missed talking to you, it kind of makes me feel like my day hasn’t been complete. Wow okay I know that probably sounds really dramatic, but I guess you don’t realize how much of an impact something has on your life until it’s not there... About my last email, I’m really sorry if I hurt you. I just, this is really hard for me. And I’m not saying that it’s not hard for you. There’s a million reasons on why I want to keep my identity a secret and a million reasons on why I want to tell you. I’m hoping I can get past this fear and just tell you, because I don’t want to lose you. There’s so much I want to say that I just haven’t had the courage to put into words, but I’m working on getting over some of my fears. And that’s because of you. I don’t know Simone you make me want to be better, you make me want to be myself for the first time ever. And I’m trying to get there. And I’m taking the first step tonight. I’m gonna tell my mom that I’m gay. I’ve wanted to for so long, but I’ve always lost my nerve. But you helped me feel like I was finally ready to take this step. And the moment I made the decision, you were the only one I could think of. I know it’s not the reveal you had asked for, but I’m hoping that after this I will be able to finally open up to you more about who I am. I miss you, a lot. Love, Bella** _

Beca swallowed hard, unable to believe what she had read. Bella was going to come out to her mom. Because she was trying to be braver for Beca. The whole thing made her feel such a mixture of emotions. Guilt because she felt she had inadvertently pushed Bella into something that she hadn’t even done yet. Proud that Bella was going to be honest with her mom something she had said she wanted to do before. Nervous for Bella to be that open about herself on her own. These jumble of emotions was just a reminder for Beca on why she hadn’t emailed Bella in the first place. Since the afternoon at Emily’s, Beca had stayed to herself. Even around her three best friends she had been quiet, blaming it on countless reasons. She was overwhelmed, Beca had never been good with dealing with emotions and lately that’s all she seemed to be doing. Between everything with Bella, Emily, and Martin her natural response was to just close off. But it wasn’t working, if anything more and more was just piling on and she was having a hard time being able to catch her breath again.

_**Bella,** _

_**I’m sorry I’ve been quiet. Just there's been a lot going on and a lot I’m trying to process. I have missed talking to you too. As far as you talking to your mom though, if this is what you wanna do for your own reasons than I support you a 100%. But if you’re doing it for me, please don’t. You don’t owe me that, honestly you don’t owe me anything. And it was wrong for me to put that pressure on you, so I’m sorry. Telling me who you are is basically asking you to be okay outing yourself and that’s not a decision anyone else should ask someone to do. And it took you telling me you were coming out to realize how selfish I was being. It’s your decision and your decision only when the time is right. Maybe that’s why I haven’t done it yet, because I never know when the time is right. I’m sorry for being distant, hopefully things will calm down on my end and we can talk more.** _

_**Love, Simone** _

“Beca fourth act,” one of the stage crew hissed at her. They were doing run throughs of the whole show and Beca had apparently missed her cue while emailing Bella. “Shit my bad,” she said clicking a button on her laptop and sliding the volume up. She tried to stay focused as much as possible but her phone went off again shortly after.

 

**{text} update?**

**{text} I’m not really seeing a change with Stacie towards me.**

 

Beca glanced down at her phone trying to think of something, anything she could say to appease the troll.

 

**{text} things are good, she’s definitely starting to see this different side of you. when I mentioned how sweet you had been lately she even smiled**

**{text} well maybe she’s still trying to figure out if this change I’m telling her about is genuine. it’s working dude.**

 

Beca realized in just enough time that she needed to stop the music and prep for the next scene. As she began the transition her phone went off multiple times.

 

**{text} so you definitely think there’s a change?**

**{text} cause I had an idea about something.**

 

Beca was about to ask Martin his idea when she realized Bella had emailed her back. As she went to click the email, Marting texted again.

 

**{text} wanted to run it by you and see your opinion?**

 

Her thoughts on Bella and the idea that the girl may actually come out, Beca knew Martin would just continue to text her unless she silenced him. Because of that Beca texted Martin back without much thought.

 

**{text} I’m sure it’s great. can we talk about it later I’m stuck at rehearsals?**

 

She hit send faster than ever before, before switching back over to Bella’s email. Beca quickly checked she had time in between the next music transition before taking in the other girl’s words.

_**Simone, okay so I can honestly say I smiled way harder than I probably ever have when I saw you replied. Did I mention I missed you, because I definitely did. I’m sorry you have so much going on, you know you can always vent to me right? And if some of that was because of me, you can feel free to vent about that too. I want us to be able to talk, even when I upset you… I don’t know is that weird? Also, I’ve always imagined you put all your thoughts into a journal that you always have tucked away somewhere even at school. As far as my mom goes, I want to tell her. I’ve thought long and hard about it and I’m ready. But please don’t apologize, I think it’s important for you to know that you have given me the confidence to come out. You have helped me in so many ways and I owe you so much for that. I’m glad I heard from you, it’s exactly what I needed before tonight. I’ll let you know how it goes okay? Love, Bella xoxo** _

Beca’s heart was racing, it had become the new normal for her to feel like it was about to beat straight out of her chest. She had absolutely zero clue on what she had done to help Bella realize she was ready to come out, but she was happy that she could help someone through that. And if Bella was brave enough to do it, maybe Beca could too?

The question played through her head the rest of the night with rehearsals, wondering if she was really ready. When her mind wasn’t on her own coming out she let it wander over to how Bella was doing. Was she okay? Was her mom crying? Yelling? Giving her the silent treatment? There was so many what ifs when coming out to someone it was more nerve wracking then actually saying the words. As rehearsal came to an end, Stacie came bounding over to her a curious look on her face.

“Okay so spill, who have you been texting? You have never been that off when it came to music so it must be something really important. Your eyes have been practically glued to it all night. And I’m pretty sure I saw you smile for the first time in like months,” Stacie teased nudging Beca. “Months? Wow someone doesn’t know how to turn the drama off even when they get off stage, huh,” Beca said with a roll of her eyes as the two made their way out to Beca’s car. Beca didn’t offer up anymore explanations and she could tell Stacie was still waiting for more, but she didn’t seem to want to pry further. That was something that Beca loved about Stacie, she would ask something, but if Beca didn’t respond she wouldn’t push it. More like she silently let Beca know she could talk about it if she wanted, but didn’t have to. It was the complete opposite of Chloe, who did not let things go unless she was distracted to the point of forgetting.

The two got into the car and Stacie began to ramble on about how her character is supposed to be in love and how she’s struggled with showing the emotion on stage. “I mean how am I supposed to portray something I’ve never felt before? I feel like I’m overdoing it and I don’t know I want the audience to feel how my character feels when they are watching me. I want it to be obvious, but not over the top obvious, you know? Have you ever been in love Bec,” Stacie asked casually as Beca maneuvered the car through the streets towards Stacie’s house. “I don’t know, possibly,” Beca had said without really thinking. And it was true, she had started to think that she was falling in love, the problem was she had strong feelings for two girls and she was having a hard time sorting out which feelings went with which girl. She needed to get some of this off of her chest, because the more she thought about it the more it piled on.

Beca pulled over the car, Stacie looking at her curiously but not saying anything. “Stace,” Beca finally said her gaze moving from her steering wheel over to her friend. “Yeah,” Stacie responded seeming to know that Beca needed her to say as very little as possible right now. Beca took a deep breath before she finally said the words out loud for the first time. “I’m gay.” Beca gripped the wheel, realizing the moment she let go her hand was shaking. “Oh,” Stacie said with a small smile placing her own hand over Beca’s hand. It helped, more than Beca thought the small gesture ever could. “But you can’t tell anyone okay? Nobody really knows and I don’t really want people to find out,” Beca said moving her gaze down again as she licked her lips. “I won’t I promise,” Stacie said giving Beca’s hand a reassuring squeeze before moving her hand back to her lap.

A few beats of silence passed and a question began to tug at Beca. “Are you surprised,” Beca asked glancing over at the other. Stacie didn’t turn to look at Beca, but just kept her gaze out the windshield before finally speaking. “No,” she said slowly which caused Beca to look at her in surprise. Was she that obvious? What had given her away? “So you knew,” Beca asked confused wondering if Stacie knew did Chloe and Jesse know too? “No,” Stacie responded with a small shake of her head meeting Beca’s gaze. This only confused Beca more as her eyebrows furrowed as she tried to process it. “So you didn’t know, but you’re not surprised,” Beca asked her words coming out slow as if she was trying to process them herself. Stacie gave a small smile to Beca tilting her head. “Did you want me to be surprised,” Stacie asked and that took Beca off guard because she really didn’t have an answer to that question. “I don’t know,” Beca finally muttered looking back out her windshield realizing she had never really thought about how she wanted people to react. “Hey, you’re one of my best friends. This doesn’t change anything between us. I’m just glad you told me, I love you okay,” Stacie said leaning over and giving Beca a kiss on the cheek. Beca rolled her eyes at the affection, but gave Stacie a small smile and a nod. “Thanks Stace,” Beca said with a small exhale as she pulled the car back on to the street.

As stupid as it sounded, it did feel like a weight was lifted off of her. As if she had one less thing on her shoulders. And it had gone better than she had could probably ever imagine. Even as Stacie continued to talk next to her, Beca’s mind was already on the email she was going to write the moment she got home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! As the story goes on, it will be more and more au from the book and movie to try and stay as true as possible to the characters. Comments, feedback, and kudos are always welcome. I also write mini-fics so if you would like to send me a prompt or feedback feel free to send me messages at my tumblr http://emilyxjunk.tumblr.com. Also follow me on instagram or twitter @emilyxjunk to get notifications for when I add chapters and sneak peaks of upcoming writing.


	10. Go Big or Go Home

Beca had made it to lunch before any of her friends today. She had a sub the period before, who was a bit clueless and obviously overwhelmed, who had let them out 10 minutes early. Beca assumed she was gonna hide in the corner and cry before her next class and if she was being honest she didn't blame her. She couldn't imagine having to walk into a classroom for the first time, with 20 teenagers who instantly decided they weren't going to listen to a thing you have to say. Beca grabbed her food, sitting at one of the tables inside of the cafeteria gazing out at the quad. It had been pouring all morning, so eating outside was a no go for the day. Which meant the cafeteria would be more crowded than normal. 

"I think it should be illegal to have to eat on campus on days the weather forces every sweaty male who had gym last period and didn't shower into the same space as us," Stacie said having a seat across from Beca a few minutes later. Beca quirked at the comment, giving her friend a small laugh. Since the reveal the night before besides sharing a few reassuring smiles, Stacie hadn't acted any differently towards Beca. Something Beca was definitely thankful for, considering having a shift with her friends once coming out was always a huge fear for her. It felt nice knowing someone saw her for every aspect of who she was and it was helping her get used to the idea of coming out on her own terms to Chloe and Jesse.

"Agreed. But at least I got us the best table in the cafeteria," Beca countered as Chloe and Jesse joined them. Despite knowing her best friend adored her, the obvious look of disappointment when Jesse sat down next to Stacie was all to obvious to miss. And Beca didn't seem to be the only one to notice. As Beca's gaze fell on Stacie she saw a look of sadness as her gaze locked on Chloe's. She had no idea what Stacie was thinking, but it was obvious she was picking up on Chloe's shift in moods when the four of them were together. "So Chlo, 6th period you have a sub. Well if the poor woman isn't still hiding underneath a desk somewhere," Beca said tilting her head to the side as she pulled Chloe down to sit with her.

The four of them started talking about their mornings and about their plans for the weekend. Their conversation was interrupted though by a low hum of murmuring that seemed to be traveling through the cafeteria. "What's going on," Jesse asked shifting so he could see over people's heads at what everyone was looking at. As Beca looked down the aisle she saw a familiar face and her eyes went wide. 

"Oh my god," Beca whispered as Martin climbed onto a table CD player in hand. The day before had been so intense. After finally talking to Bella and her confession to Stacie, the night had gotten away from her. Beca had completely forgotten to text Martin back and by the look of the eager expression on his face this was probably not going to end well. He had said he had a good idea, but by the current look of things Beca had a feeling that nothing good was going to come from this. 

"Excuse me can I get everyone's attention please," Martin called out, the cafeteria's sound dying down a little except from the few scatter whispers. "About six months ago my eyes fell on an angel and I have been dying to say something to her, but I thought it would be better to sing it instead," Martin said his eyes on Stacie. Beca was frozen, she wanted to go stop him, to get Stacie out of the cafeteria, god she even contemplated pulling the fire alarm. But she couldn't. She was literally paralyzed in her spot. 

Martin pushed play on the CD player and Beca could see most of the students taking out their cellphones to record as the first few seconds of Baby by Justin Bieber began playing through the speakers. As the music began, different people throughout the cafeteria began to stand up and do a pose. This was worse than Beca had thought. He was going to do a flash mob with what looked like 10 people who had never danced in their life. Giggles erupted from all around the cafeteria, but Martin didn't let this effect him. Beca's three friends exchanged glances, Jesse even taking out his phone as Martin began to sing really loud and really off key. " _You know you love me, I know you care. Just shout whenever and I'll be there. You are my love, you are my heart and we will never, ever, ever be apart. Are we an item? Stacie quit playin'. We're just friends, what are you sayin'_ ," Martin sang loudly pointing to Stacie as he sang her name. 

Realization on who Martin was singing to began to spread across the cafeteria. "Did he just replace girl with my name? Or am I completely losing it," Stacie asked turning to her friends with her eyebrows furrowed. Beca couldn't even answer, her eyes locked on Martin. It was like a car accident, as much as you wanted to turn away you just couldn't.

Jesse had lowered his phone, despite Martin continuing to sing loudly and some of his friends beginning to dance completely off beat in the middle of the aisles. Martin himself was trying to hold the CD player, sing, and dance all at once and was failing pretty miserably at all three almost losing his balance a few times. "I don't know if I should be impressed by his attempt or completely mortified and creeped out," Jesse asked turning to the girls.

"Completely mortified and creeped out," Chloe and Beca said in unison their eyes both locked on the scene before them as Martin stumbled off the table heading over to the table they were sitting at his dancers following behind him.

Stacie's cheeks were tinged with a blush, but Beca wasn't sure if it was her embarrassment or her embarrassment for Martin. Beca prayed it was more for Martin, because the whole point of this plan had been to not hurt Stacie in anyway. Martin began to attempt the rap in the song, but all that could be heard was muffled mumbling. Stacie stood up pushing the off button on the CD player shaking her head. Martin gazed up at her with a wide smile, seeming to think this was his moment. Beca could feel every single cellphone camera on the two. She wished, despite hating his ass, she could put him out of his misery in a more private setting. "Listen Martin, I don't know what this is about, but I made myself pretty clear before. I don't like you like that...matter of fact I don't even like you as a person. You're kind of cruel and self centered. I'm just not interested, at all," Stacie said moving past him and making her way towards the bathroom.

The cafeteria went silent for a few beats before it erupted into laughs and shouting at Martin, who was now frozen in his spot. Jesse glared at Martin, seeming ready to fight even though Jesse had never fought a single person in his life. Chloe on the other hand had gotten up and stormed off following Stacie into the bathroom. Martin's gaze moved to Beca and she looked up at him her mouth open unable to find any words. I mean what could she say? His expression went from shocked to anger, shaking his head as he stormed off his friends standing there awkwardly watching. People hollered, some even throwing their food at Martin's retreating back. If it wasn't for the fact that Beca was completely terrified in this moment of what he was capable of now, she would have ran after him.

Her heart was racing, beating so loudly it was almost deafening. It was all over. Martin was going to leak her emails. She was going to be outed to the whole school. She was going to lose Bella. Her heart felt like it was in a vice. **She was going to lose Bella.** She had made it very clear she didn't want to be known, so having their emails exposed it would be the end. And Beca couldn't lose her. 

"Well I definitely didn't think that lunch was going to be that eventful," Jesse said replaying the video on his phone. Beca couldn't reply. The only thing she could do was try and figure out how she was going to do damage control and quick.

 

 

 


End file.
